Thursday, January 22, 2009

Cover Me, Part II (Completely Unrelated to Part I)

I learned during my last job search that generic cover letters get you about as far as no cover letter. If you want the cover letter to help you at all, you need to make it stand out. A good cover letter makes the recruiter want to read your resume, something that even your mom probably doesn't want to do.

On the other hand, a REALLY good cover letter makes the recruiter willing to disregard your cover letter altogether, particularly the parts that are suspiciously lacking in applicable experience.

I bring this up because, today, I took one step closer to my dream of a career in radio. I applied for a broadcast position with Voice of America radio. Sure, my only applicable experience consists of one semester of co-co-hosting a Saturday morning radio show in college. We had the 7AM to 9AM slot. It's entirely possible that they didn't even turn on the transmitter for us; we'd have no way of knowing, nor would anyone else, because nobody's awake and listening to college radio at 7-freaking-AM on a Saturday morning.

Anyway, that's the kind of application that requires a REALLY good cover letter. Here's mine.

What does the Voice of America sound like?

It sounds like Truth, bringing accuracy, balance, comprehensiveness, and objectivity to nations and peoples around the world.

It sounds like Justice, shining the harsh glare of the public's eye into the dark places of the world that flee from its light.

It sounds like Freedom, ringing from every mountainside to echo over the land of the pilgrims' pride.

It sounds like Self-Awareness, capable of making a series of pompous statements that place it on the scale of American heroes somewhere between George Washington and Spider-Man, all hopefully demonstrating the Voice's writing ability while still maintaining a (mostly) straight face.

What does the Voice of America sound like?

With any luck, it sounds like the voice that answers when you call me at the number listed on my resume.


Hey, at least I don't have to worry about not quitting my day job.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Salespeople who lie

Seriously, quit wasting my time.

Speaking of wasting my time, I love it when my boss asks to see a work in progress, then interrupts me repeatedly to ask about things that aren't in there yet. I mean, c'mon, people.

Maybe I'll use my unemployment to write an employment guide for employees and for managers. A practical one, with chapters like "How to avoid lame office birthday celebrations" and "Creative displays of passive-aggressive behavior that won't get you fired (usually)." Reserve your advance copy now!

Monday, January 05, 2009

Unemployment To-Do List

1) Video Games!

2) Drink Beer

3) TNT: The Law & Order Channel

4) Belch

5) Scratch

6) (May reverse order of 4 & 5)

7) Sit

8) Collect string