Thursday, November 08, 2007

New Position Filled

Ah! Back from vacation and ready for the demotivating world of the office again. Not even the funny, quirky office from The Office, or the so-soul-sucking-it's-funny office of Office Space, but the real, live, You're-Here-Because-You-Like-To-Eat-And-Have-Insurance Office.

Good times.

But hey, it gives me something to write about. Which is kind of like saying, "I save a lot of time on tying my shoes since that chainsaw accident!", but it's what I've got.

Right before I left for vacation, a large man walked into our office. It seems that he and his partner shared another office in the building, but they were being displaced by the sale of that suite. Did we have any space that we could sublet to them?

Since five of us were currently languishing in a space built to hold sixteen, it was safe to say that, yeah, we might. I took his card and told him we'd talk it over and get back to him. Then I headed into the kitchen for lunch, where two of the three owners already were.

"Who was that?" one of them asked.

"That was..." I checked the card--"Monte Coleman." (Not his real name)

"That name sounds familiar. Monte Coleman?"

A quick Googling showed us that the large man who had visited us had, in fact, played linebacker for the Washington Redskins. And now he wanted to come live with us.

I wanted this to happen. Nevermind that the sitcom potential would be off the charts. Ever since the days of Terry Tate, I've known that I wanted to work someplace that had an Office Linebacker. Also, it didn't hurt that continuing to finance enough office space to contain all of our hopes and dreams was expensive, and a subtenant would ease some of that burden.

When our CEO got back to the office and heard about the meeting, she was beside herself. A quick aside: though she knows nothing at all about football, she's had a strange fascination with football players ever since stealing an autographed football at a marketing lunch. She immediately took Monte's business card and ran to his office to have him autograph it for her. This established our starting negotiating position.

Shortly thereafter, a meeting with Terry--er, Monte--was set up for the following Monday. That was the start of my vacation, much to my disappointment--would he use "I'll refrain from tackling you...mostly" as a bargaining chip? I did prep a list of bullet points for them to address, though, having had some experience with subleases at previous jobs. After the meeting, a co-worker e-mailed me the terms they'd reached:

Monte and his partner would get two of our seven window offices; we would supply furniture; we would reconfigure our network to give them access to our printer; and we would continue to cover all utilities, janitorial expenses, and maintenance charges. In return, we would get the privilege of paying them $300 a month.

Wait--what?

Funny, I hadn't thought that "turn a profit" was a necessary bullet point.

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