Saturday, August 05, 2006

Get your head out of there!

There are a number of topics you are prohibited by law or policy from discussing in the office. Size of your genitalia, for instance. What you and the missus did with those two hookers and the marmot last night. How important it is for your cubemates to accept L. Ron Hubbard into their lives.

And yet, when my wife was ready to spawn our firstborn child, no law or policy prevented one of our company's owners from turning to me in the midst of a company-wide meeting and asking, "Is she dilated yet?"

Why is that? She wasn't the only person to ask me that, although she did perhaps have the most appalling timing. But who would think that the inner workings of my wife's girl parts are an appropriate topic of discussion at any time, much less in the office?

I've been trying to come up with a male equivalent--that is, what someone could ask my wife about me that would be equally untoward. So far, the best I've come up with is "So, how's your husband's narrow urethra? Are those stretching exercises helping?", and that's only funny if you say it in Hank Hill's voice.

If you've got a better idea, by all means, speak up. Maybe something involving the words "colon" and "obstructed bowel." And if you're wondering...well, just keep wondering.